they come in three's
Feb 9th, 2001, 02:30 am

earlier / later

"Did I disappoint you, or leave a bad taste in your mouth. You act like we never happened and want me to go without. Well, it's too late tonight: To drag the past out into the light."

I have this thing for listening to U2 late at night that really gets my creative voice speaking to me.... yelling almost. I can't explain it. Maybe it's a coincidence, maybe U2 just has this effect on me. Maybe I just pay way too much attention to their lyrics .... recognize the verbal poetry and yearn to create it myself. I don't know. On to more.

I hate reading stream of consciousness writings, yet that's how I feel most naturally writing. Is that a sign of a lazy writer or just someone who doesn't organize their own thoughts? You tell me... Anyway, I feel like story time:

I've seen my share of relationships and affairs long enough to understand many of the subtle nuances that are shared between men and women. But I have to wonder about my life recently. First, I met a girl a few months ago.... we seemed to hit it off instantly and stayed up the first night we met talking about this and that. We had so many similarities. It was great, I really liked this girl and it seemed she really liked me. She invited me over a few times that first week, we went on a double date with some friends .... then I see her one night, kiss her good evening and leave to go home. Next day she doesn't want to talk to me: no explanation. Same the next day, and the day after that and the day after that. I blew it off .... maybe she's just got issues, if she gets over them, she'll call me. She never and still has not called.

Next, I meet another girl, or rather re-acquaint myself with someone. Her and I are instantly hot. She calls me when she wakes up in the morning, before her lunch break, again at night .... and often stops by. Her and I flirt, but I know I'm not my regular self. I tried playing it cool, giving her space, but showing her attention. Everything seemed like it was grooving fine. But alas, she stops talking to me .... no reason once again. I try to find out why... no response. She has still never called either.

Finally, I meet someone who just seems all-around amazing. She's smart, funny, sarcastic, and beautiful. By this point I'm pretty disallusioned about women, so I decide that I'm not going to let my emotions control my actions or thoughts. And I don't .... I talk to this girl, I respond when asked ... I give space. I'm thinking to myself: this girl is really awesome, but I won't let myself get shit on again. Well..... as my stepmom always said: these things come in three's. And yep, they do ladies and gents. I thought I could control what I felt was coming, by being my best, being my most perceptive, being my most caring, yet careful. And no, it still happened.

What gets me isn't the rejection, but the lack of an explanation. I wouldn't mind anyone rejecting me as long as they could give me some hint or glimmer or clue as to a valid reason. "Oh, your hair is too brown" "Oh, you're too nice" "oh, I don't like you like that" ..... just some reason, any reason. But no, life (women) can't be that simple, can it? That would just be too easy! Can't have that!

Moral lesson to this story boys and girls: life is an endless game to provide order to an orderless world, yet the truth of human relationships exists without laws and without reason; never treat it as if it does.

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