In case you don't understand what that means because you don't live, or have never lived, in a college town ... well it means that when school is not in session the town clears out. Andy and I both live here, year round, so we don't clear out. We're what they call ACRs: Alachua County Residents.

I love the soothing quiet peacefulness of this city you can't find when Ford Mustangs,chanting sidewalk hippies, Escalades with systems, and drunk frat boys are here. I also love the hypocrisy. You can't talk to any 18-22 year old college student without them touting their independence and ability to party whenever they want. Yet, as soon as there's any three-day weekend or break in classes, they "go home". Yep, that's right, they run "home" to mommy and daddy. Well, I guess they have to ... mommy and daddy paid for their 2000 Mustang highschool graduation present and pay for their independence. Why is hypocrisy so amusing?

Around this time of year the most popular question is "when are you going home"? I love this question. It provides me with at least three minutes of entertainment. I can stand there and fuck with someone for a good three to five minutes.

THEM: "Hey Nick, when are you going home"?

ME: "Around 11:30 tonight".

THEM: "You're going to drive that late at night"?

ME: "Yeah, I have to get home somehow, duh"!

THEM: "How long do you have do drive for"?

ME: "I don't know, I haven't timed it...."!

THEM: "Oh, where do you have to go".

ME: "Home .... that's what you just asked me"!

THEM: "Yeah, but where is home"?

ME: "My townhouse"!

THEM: "Okay, where is that"?

ME: "Oxford Manor".

THEM: "Isn't there an Oxford Manor here in town too"?

ME: "Yeah, I live there"!

THEM: "You live at an Oxford Manor here and at home"?

ME: "Yeah, it's the same place"!

(confused look on their face)

THEM: "No no no .... I meant when are you going HOOooome"?

ME: "Around Eleven-Thiirrrrrrrrrrty tonight"!

THEM: ".... no, I mean home to your parents' house"?

ME: "My parents don't live with me".

THEM: "Yeah, I know, but when are you going home to them"?

ME: "Well, unless some tragedy falls on me, never"!

THEM: "You're not going to see your parents anymore"?

ME: "No, I'm going to see them when I VISIT them for christmas".

THEM: "Goddamnit, that's what I've been asking you"!

ME: "No you didn't, you asked when I was going home, and I answered you".

I realize that wasn't very funny, but it's one of my favorite pasttimes: fucking with people. It's easy since most people are stupid and easily duped. As Lord Carlin once said "think of how stupid the average person is, then realize half of them are stupider than that". Well, the good part is that all the stupid people here in town leave any chance they can. And that's all the christmas present I need.